Celebrities; 371 Jokes

Anniversary

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go on our anniversary?"

She said, "Somewhere I have never been!"

I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

by Mohammad Ali (few years ago!)
Born on Government Holidays

Born on Government Holidays

Teacher: What is Common between Buddha, Jesus, Mahavira and Guru Nanak?

Santa: All of them were Born on Government Holidays.

by Mohammad Ali (few years ago!)
Marriage. .

Santa - Apki shadi ho gayi?
Banta - Haji, ek ladki se hui hai.
Santa - Shaadi to ladki se hi hoti hai.
Banta - Nahi ji meri bahan ki to ladke se hui hai.

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Promotion

Pathan Ka Promotion Inspector
Se DSP Ho Gaya, Ghar A Kar Wife Ko Aise Andaz
Se Bataya, K Wife Behosh
?
?
.
.
?
Bola:
Aaj Se Tu DSP K 7 Soegi.

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
5000 bach gaye

boy - papa aapne mujhse kaha tha k agar main paas
ho gaya to aap mujhe 5000 Rs denge.
father - haan kaha tha
boy - to aapke liye khush khabri hai, aapke 5000 Rs
bach gaye.

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
shadi ho gai

Santa - Apki shadi ho gayi?
Banta - Haji, ek ladki se hui hai.
Santa - Shaadi to ladki se hi hoti hai.
Banta - Nahi ji meri bahan ki to ladke se hui hai.

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Pathan na apna bacha ka naam

Pathan na apna bacha ka naam america rakh lea . Logo na pocha aap ka dushman ha america aap na apne bache ka naam america rakh lea . Pathan : na kaha hum dunya ko batana chahta ha ka pathan america ka baap ha .

Aur Aes tarah jang shoro ho ge.

America : Hum Chand per jakr jahaz banyge . Pathan : hum soraj pr ja kr naswar banayga . America : Tum jal jaega. Pathan : Hum Pagal nhe hum raat ko jayga.

by Mohammad Ali (few years ago!)
How Did A Rat Propose A Cat?

How Did A Rat Propose A Cat?

..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
?
?
?
?
?
O Billo Rani
Kaho To Abi Jan Dey Dun

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
One Day Dog Dancing Madly

One Day Dog Dancing Madly
On The Merage Of Lion

Lion Ask:
Y R U Dancing Madly

Dog Said:
I Am Also Lion Before Merrage…

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Machar Ka Bacha Pehli Bar Urha.

Machar Ka Bacha Pehli Bar Urha.
Jab Wo Wapis Aya

To Us K Baap Ny Pucha:
Urh K Kaisa Laga?

He Replied: Bohat Maza Ayaa,
Muje Dekh K Har Koi Taaliyan Baja Rha Thaa….

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
aik ladka aik ladki se kehta hai

aik ladka aik ladki se kehta hai

"lafz mere geet tere ghazal koi sunaoon kya?"

LaDki:

"haath mere gaal tere...kaan k neeche bajaoon kya?

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Man to wife on wedding night

Man to wife on wedding night: "Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with ? "

Wife replied: " Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others !"

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
1. If I like it, it's mine.

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If its in my mouth, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.

6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway.

7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10. If its broken, it's yours.

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
"Yoo-hoo!"

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)

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