Medical; 622 Jokes
What do you do? a young man asked the beautiful girl he was dancing with.
“I m a nurse.” “I wish I could be ill and let you nurse me,” he whispered in her ear.
“That would be miraculous. I work on the maternity ward.”
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
The patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said,
“Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.”
“That is very kind of you,” said the doctor emotionally, and then added,
“May I see that prescription I just gave you? I d like to make a little change…”
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Jack: “My brother was sick and went to the doctor.” John: “Is he feeling better now?” Jack:
“No, he has a broken arm.” John: “How did he break it?” Jack:
“Well, the doctor gave him a prescription and told him no matter what happened, to follow that prescription. And the prescription blew out of the window.” John: “How did he break his arm?” Jack:
“He fell out of the window trying to follow the prescription.”
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
A doctor and his wife were sunbathing on a beach when a beautiful young woman in a very slight, very tight bikini strolled by.
The near-naked woman looked at the doctor, smiled, and said in a sexy voice: “Hi there handsome. How are you doing?”
She then wiggled her backside and walked off.
“Who was that?” demanded the doctor’s wife.
“Err… Just a woman I met professionally,” replied the doctor.
“Oh yeah?!” snarled his wife, “Whose profession? Yours or hers?”
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: $100.00.
Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work?
Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slowly if you like.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.
Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!
Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.
"Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"
"No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone."
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.
Doctor: How do you feel?
Patient: A little down in the mouth.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth.
Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie!
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
5. You never have to watch reruns on television.
4. You are always meeting new people.
3. You don't have to remember the whines and complaints of your spouse.
2. You can hide your own Easter eggs.
1. Mysteries are always interesting.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.
"Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?"
"I don't see why not," replies the doctor.
"That's funny," says the man. "I wasn't able to play it before."
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."
"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid fool!!
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?
Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say.
Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.
Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn't all that bad this time.
Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)