Medical; 622 Jokes
Doctor!!
What happened?
I have fever.
Ok, go back to your home; take a bath with ice cold water, then lie under fan for 12 hours without any clothes. Come back tomorrow.
I will be fine then?
No. you will get Pneumonia.
What?
Don’t worry. I am only a Pneumonia specialist.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
In the operation theatre:
Patient: Doctor, please do the operation safely. This is my first operation.
Doctor: It’s my first operation too.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Medicine shop:
Buyer: Do you sell this medicine?
Seller: Yes.
Buyer: It’s fake and poisonous.
Seller: But nobody complained about it before.
Buyer: How can dead people complain?
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
'Dr. Smith is checking a little boy named Tom.
Placing the stethoscope he said,
'Naughty boy, now take a long breath and say Five, three times.'
Tom is great at math. He always gets 100 out of 100. He said quickly, 'Doctor, its 15!!'
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
A woman visited a Doctor.
Woman: Doctor, I have a problem. I am...
Doctor: I know your problem. You always dream that you have become a horse, right?
Woman: How do you know?!
Doctor: Your pony tail hair style.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Mr. Jones: Doctor, my son is having a problem.
He plugged up his ear and nose with chilies. Now he is screaming.
Doctor: That means he is not eating properly.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Doctor: Here is the medicine. Take four spoons daily.
Patient: But I don’t have four spoons in house. Do I have to buy one?
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Teacher: Sir, why doctors wear a mask when they do an operation?
Student: For safety. If the patient dies, others can’t find out who did the operation.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Doctor: Aap Ka Weight Kitna Hai?
Santa: Chashme(Opticals) K Saath 75kg
Doctor: Aur Chasme K Bina!
Santa: Vo Muje Dikhta Hi Nahi
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Doctor to Patient : The check which u gave me has returned back.
Patient to Doctor:The head-ache for which you gave me medicine has also returned back.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Patient to the doctor, 'Whenever i drink coffee, i have this sharp, excruciating pain.''Try to remember to remove the spoon from the cup before drinking,'
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
A man walks into the doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his
nose, a carrot in his left_inner ear and a banana in his right ear.'
Whats the matter with me?' he asks the doctor,The doctor replies 'You are not eating properly.'
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
A baseball manager who had an ulcer was in his physician office for a check-up. 'Remember,' the doctor said, 'Dont get excited, dont get mad and forget about baseball when youre off the field.'
Then he added, 'By the way, how come you let the pitcher bat yesterday with the tying run on second and two men out in the ninth.'
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Rizwan: Doctor say help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Rizwan: Phone karte waqt
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.
His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said "You're cute!"
Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute."
She said "What happened to 'beautiful'?"
His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)