Search Results for 'body'
Chiman is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks...takes along some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks,
'Kyon bhai ye sab kyun leke baithe ho?'
Chiman replies, 'Saali train late aati hai
kahin bhook se na marjaun..'
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, "if you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?" "Somebody else's pants."
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
One day in class, the teacher told everyone to turn to a blank sheet of paper in their notebooks. She noticed that Chip, the dumb jock, was having trouble with her directions.
"Have you found a blank piece yet, Chip?" said the teacher.
"Nope. I haven't," said the dumb jock. "Somebody went through and drew lines across all of the pages."
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach,
but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
A couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary.
At the party, everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age. The husband responded “When we were first married, we came to an agreement to share. I would make all the major decisions, and my wife would make all the minor decisions.”
“But do you know what I just realized?”
“In 60 years of marriage I don’t think we have never needed to make a major decision.”.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
The ninety-year-old man was in for his checkup when the nurse practitioner learned he was about to marry an eighteen year old girl.
“Now, Mr. Jenkins,” the nurse practitioner warned,
“you should know that when a man your age marries an eighteen-year-old girl, somebody could get hurt.”
The old man shrugged, “If she dies, she dies.”
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could jump high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence.
But he was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo.
The next day, a twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he got out.
When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?”
The kangaroo said, “About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!”
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor.
The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, "Congratulations sir, you're the father of twins."
"What a coincidence!" the man said with some obvious pride. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."
The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, "You, sir, are the father of triplets."
"Wow, that's really an incredible coincidence," he answered. "I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down."
An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back. This time, she turned to the third man, who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply.
"Don't tell me another coincidence?" asked the nurse.
After finally regaining his composure, he said, "I don't believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel."
After hearing this, everybody's attention turned to the fourth guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to his side and, after some time, he slowly gained back his consciousness.
The nurse asked, "Sir, are you all right?"
"Yes" says the man, "I'm o.k. now. I just had a shocking thought. I work at the 7-11 Store."
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?
Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say.
Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
Groucho Marx
1890-1977
This reminds me of the student who began his Middle Ages story with:
"He was a dark and stormy knight...."
In a survey taken several years ago, all incoming freshman at MIT were asked if they expected to graduate in the top half of their class.
Ninety-seven percent responded that they did.
Q: What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
A: The teacher says "Get that gum out of your mouth", where as the train says "Chew, Chew ".
"The reason that every major university maintains a department of mathematics is that it is cheaper to do this than to institutionalize all those people."
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with.
So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents. When he asked baby bear about living with his father, baby bear said "No, I can't live with Papa bear, he beats me terribly."
"OK," said the judge, "then you want to live with your mother, right?"
"No way!" replied baby bear, "She beats me worse than Papa bear does."
The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn't quite know what to do. "Well, you have to live with someone, so is there any relatives you would like to stay with?" asked the judge.
"Yes," answered baby bear, "my aunt Bertha bear who lives in Chicago."
"You're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?" asked the judge.
"Oh definitely," said baby bear, "the Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".
The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"
The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."
Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.
The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)