As I sit here I'm contemplating having a vasectomy, you know... the "removing" of your manhood. You know, it looks like a relatively simple procedure, heck I even asked if they had a do-it-yourself kit (true story). Afterall, $950 bucks for a 15 minute snip-snip is kinda excessive. At any rate, I won't be cutting on my balls anytime soon - but I do have some vasectomy jokes (more of a timeline of events) if you're in the same mood I am. We'll call him "Bill" and this is his story.
It's A Family Decision

VasectomyBill was at his family doctor for his annual physical exam. His doctor returned, filling out a bunch of stuff on his chart, and boasted "Your checkup went well, everything looks to be in order. Is there anything that you'd like to ask me?"

"Well," Bill mumbles, "Actually, I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."

"That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked this over with your family?"

"Yeah, and they're in favor 9 to 2."
Right After The Operation

Bill wakes up from a vasectomy and the doctor tells him he has good news and bad news. "The good news is we were able to save your testicles. The bad news is they're under your pillow."
What Really Happened To Bill

While doing the vasectomy, Bill's doctor slipped and cut off one of his testicles. In an effort to avoid a malpractice lawsuit, he replaced Bill's missing ball with an onion.

Two weeks later, Bill returned for a checkup. "How's your sex life?" the doc asked. "Pretty good, but I've had some strange side effects." "Like what?" the nervous doc asked anxiously. "Well, every time I pee my eyes water. When my wife gives me a blow job she gets heartburn. And every time I pass a hotdog stand, I get a hard-on."
Post-Op Final Check-Up

Six weeks after his vasectomy, Bill returns to his doctor for his scheduled semen test. The nurse hands him a little jar and points to a broom closet down the hall. After half an hour, he still hasn't come out - and a line is forming! So she puts her ear to the door to see if he is ok. All she can hear is lots of heavy breathing and grunting, so she goes back to her station and tells the other guys to wait their turn. Fifteen minutes later the guy finally comes out, red in the face and sweating. "I've tried everything," he says. "I've pulled it, I've twisted it, I've even pounded it on the sink, but I *still* can't open this damn jar!"

by Pak101.com (few years ago!) / 702 views

Snta Mehmaan Se- Thnda Loge Ya Garam.?

Snta Mehmaan Se- Thnda Loge Ya Garam.?
Mehmaan-Dono Le Aao..
Snta-Preeto.. Ek GLass Freezer Se, Aur Ek GLass Geezer Se Pani Le Aao..

by Pak101.com (few years ago!)

Ye aap ki shirt per lipstick ka

Wife: Ye aap ki shirt per lipstick ka nishan kahan se aaya.. ?

Husband: Mai khud heran hon!
Maine tu uss wakt shirt utari hui thi..

by Pak101.com (few years ago!)

Santa: I tried ur number

Santa: I tried ur number so many times, it always said ‘Switched Off’!”

Banta: No! It’s my HELLO TUNE!

by Pak101.com (few years ago!)

Hdfc Ka Malik

Teacher : Tere Papa kya karte hain

Santa:Sir HDFC ke Malik hai

Teacher: Wah Wah HDFC Bank ke Malik hain

Santa: Nahi Sir,
Hiralal Dahi Bade & Faluda Center ke Malik hain

by Pak101.com (few years ago!)

Sorry For Eating The Peanuts

A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.

Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he's absentmindedly finished the entire bowl. "I'm so sorry, auntie, I've eaten all of your peanuts!"

"That's okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I've sucked the chocolate off, I don't care for them anyway."

by Pak101.com (few years ago!)