As I sit here I'm contemplating having a vasectomy, you know... the "removing" of your manhood. You know, it looks like a relatively simple procedure, heck I even asked if they had a do-it-yourself kit (true story). Afterall, $950 bucks for a 15 minute snip-snip is kinda excessive. At any rate, I won't be cutting on my balls anytime soon - but I do have some vasectomy jokes (more of a timeline of events) if you're in the same mood I am. We'll call him "Bill" and this is his story.
It's A Family Decision

VasectomyBill was at his family doctor for his annual physical exam. His doctor returned, filling out a bunch of stuff on his chart, and boasted "Your checkup went well, everything looks to be in order. Is there anything that you'd like to ask me?"

"Well," Bill mumbles, "Actually, I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."

"That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked this over with your family?"

"Yeah, and they're in favor 9 to 2."
Right After The Operation

Bill wakes up from a vasectomy and the doctor tells him he has good news and bad news. "The good news is we were able to save your testicles. The bad news is they're under your pillow."
What Really Happened To Bill

While doing the vasectomy, Bill's doctor slipped and cut off one of his testicles. In an effort to avoid a malpractice lawsuit, he replaced Bill's missing ball with an onion.

Two weeks later, Bill returned for a checkup. "How's your sex life?" the doc asked. "Pretty good, but I've had some strange side effects." "Like what?" the nervous doc asked anxiously. "Well, every time I pee my eyes water. When my wife gives me a blow job she gets heartburn. And every time I pass a hotdog stand, I get a hard-on."
Post-Op Final Check-Up

Six weeks after his vasectomy, Bill returns to his doctor for his scheduled semen test. The nurse hands him a little jar and points to a broom closet down the hall. After half an hour, he still hasn't come out - and a line is forming! So she puts her ear to the door to see if he is ok. All she can hear is lots of heavy breathing and grunting, so she goes back to her station and tells the other guys to wait their turn. Fifteen minutes later the guy finally comes out, red in the face and sweating. "I've tried everything," he says. "I've pulled it, I've twisted it, I've even pounded it on the sink, but I *still* can't open this damn jar!"

by Pak101.com (few years ago!) / 1076 views

Already married

Santa Kissed His Girl Friend In The Park
Girl: Plz Ye Sb Shadi Se Pehle
Santa: Dont Worry Darling
I M Already Married

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)

Prove that things

Teacher: Prove that things
compress with cold & expand with heat.
Student: Sir, garmiyan ch chuttiyan 45 hoti hain
aur sardiyon me sikud ke 7 reh jati hain!

by hearthackervsgirls (few years ago!)

Aajkal Kya Cheez Nahi Mill Sakti?

Baba Saxidas Se Kisi Ne Puchha Ki Baba Aaj Ke Jamane Mein Kya Cheez Nahi Milti Hai.

Baba Ji Muskura Ke Bole, Kismat Walo Ko Hi Milti Hai Ye Do Cheeze

Jungle Mein Ghumta Hua Safed Hathi

Bina Affair Wala Jeevansathi
So Dosto Zara Sambhal Ke Jeevan Sathi Ko Dhundna

by Pak101.com (few years ago!)

how do you spell “crocodile”?

TEACHER: PAPPU, how do you spell “crocodile”?

PAPPU: “K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”

TEACHER: No, that’s wrong

PAPPU: Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

by hearthackervsgirls (few years ago!)

Santa standing on

Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.

Banta: Santa u'll die.

Santa: U'll die bcoz haven’t u heard train is coming on platform?

by Pak101.com (few years ago!)