Food Quotes And Quips
Food quotes, quips, and thoughts . . .
"Artichokes ... are just plain annoying ... After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual 'food' out of eating an artichoke as you would rom licking thirty or forty postage stamps. Have the shrimp cocktail instead." -- Miss Piggy
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." --Sam Levinson
"This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn't say how far to separate them." -- Gracie Allen
"I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet." -- Erma Bombeck
"I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster." -- Joe E. Lewis
"I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead." -- Woody Allen
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." -- Fran Lebowitz
"Health food makes me sick." -- Calvin Trillin
"Watermelon -- it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face." -- Enrico Caruso
"Old people shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get." -- Robert Orben
by Pak101.com (few years ago!) / 873 views
Similar Jokes
Pathan goes India illegally,
Security Officer: Who r u?
Pathan: I am Hindu.
Security Officer: So tell me the 5 names of Bhagwan!
Pathan: Yassu, Panju, Haar, Kabutar, Doli.
by Abdul Hannan (few years ago!)
Kia ap k sar pe sengh hain?
Nai,
check kar lo,
paki bat hai nai hain
gadhe k sar pe hote bi nai hain.
by Sabir shah (few years ago!)
Aapko 2 baten btata hun wo b free me
.
1: ksi ko free me itna free mat kro k wo free me itna free hojae
k free hi na rehne de or Ap free hote hue b free na hon
or wo free me Apko free samajh kr Apko free karde
.
2: ksi se free me itna free hojao k usay free me Apke free honay
ka pata na chalay or usay free me b free na rehne do or wo free
hote hue b free na ho or wo free free me phansa rahe or Ap free me usay free krdo
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Kuch samajh aya FREE me?.
by Mazhar Khan (few years ago!)
Ek Sheikh ne arbi ko khoon de ke jaan bachai.
Arbi ne use MERCEDIZE gift di.
Arbi ko phir khoon ki zarurat pari.
sheikh ne phir khoon dia.
Ab ki bar Arbi ne ’2 juice k packs’ gift kiye.
Sheikh Gussey say bola: ‘Mercedez kioun nahi di?’ Arbi: ‘Munna ab hamarey ander b sheikhon ka Khoon Dor raha hai’
by hearthackervsgirls (few years ago!)
ek pagalkhane me -
doctor- ne ek pagal se pucha, cht se kyu latak
raha hai
pagal- kyuki main ek bulb hoon!
doctor- phir jal kyu nahi raha?
pagal- ye India hai ! light gaye hui hai!!!
by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Ek Haathi ke bache ne chonti se poocha: Tumhari age kitni hai?
Chonti: 40 years
Baby Elephant (hairat se): 40 saal aur itni choti ?
Chonti: Haan mai Lux istimaal karti hun es liye meri umar nazar nahi aati. Aur tumhari umar kiya hai?
Haathi ka bacha (fakhr se): 10years.
Chonti: 10 years! Aur itne bare?
Haathi ka bacha: Haan, mai Nido jo peeta hun
by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
1 Pathaan Cinema Mai Film Deakh Raha Thaa
Film Mai 1 Shair Dowarty Howay Araha Thay
Pathaan Ne Dekha Tu Dar Gia
Owr Apni Chadir KaNdhy Paa Dal Ker Bhaagnay Laga
Logoun Nay Kaha: Khan Sahib Maat Daro
Yaah Tu Film Hai
Pathaan: Woh Tu Mujh Ko Bhi Pata Hai Kay Yai Film Hai
Lekin Wo Tu Janwar Ha
Usko Kiya Pata.
by Haris abbas Qureshi (few years ago!)
Jeet K B Haar Gaya Mai Pyar Ki Baazi Yaaro
Main Uska DEVDAS Tha Wo thi Meri PAARO
Wo Guzar Gai Pas Se Nazar B Na Milai
Q K I was on Cycle & She was in PIJARO. :-)
by Mazhar Khan (few years ago!)
Teacher : Santa ye batao tense kitne tarah ke hote hai?
Santa : Teen maidam.
Teacher : Teeno ke ek-ek example batao.
Santa : Madam, meine kal aapki beti ko dekha tha. Aaj mein ussey pyar karta
hu aur kal mein ussey bhaga kar le jaunga.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Wife: Can you explain to me how this lipstick got on your collar?
Husband: No, I really can't. I distinctly remembered having taken my shirt off.
by Pak101.com (few years ago!)