Computer; 96 Jokes

How To Start Your Day With a Positive

1. Open a new file in your PC .
2. Name it " Boss "
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently? "
6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....
7. Feel better?

by (few years ago!)
I have a keyboard error

A person turned on the computer without a keyboard plugged in.

When she turns on the computer, the computer finds out that there is no keyboard attached and it gives a "Keyboard Error" message.

She then asks "Why did it give me a keyboard error?

There isn't even a keyboard attached?

by (few years ago!)
Fixing broken computers

An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and serviced.

He told her to "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I will fix it."

About fifteen minutes later she shows up at his door with the power cord in her hand.

by (few years ago!)
Access Denied

A guy did system support in a law firm. One day, he had to log a user off and then back on. He entered her initials and then she gave me her password.

Her password was "genius".

After three tries and the system telling him "access denied," he asked her how to spell it.

She said, "G - E - N - I - O - U - S."

by (few years ago!)
Any Key

I was trying to teach this sales person (for automated entrance system) how to enter his letters into Word Perfect.
I told him to select Word Perfect from his menu and when he did it gave him the opening screen which said, 'Press any key to continue...'

He looked at the keyboard for awhile then asked me, 'Where is the 'any' key?'

by (few years ago!)
Customer and tech support

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.

Tech support: That doesn’t sound good, I’ll make a note.

Customer: No, wait a minute, I hadn’t inserted it yet, It’s still on my desk. Sorry….

by (few years ago!)
Tech Support for the Young

My husband Jeff and I incurred several problems while

assembling our new computer system, so we called the help desk.

The man on the phone started to talk to Jeff in computer jargon, which confused us even more. 'Sir,' my husband politely said, 'please explain what I should do as if I were a four-year-old.'

'Okay,' the computer technician replied. 'Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?'

by (few years ago!)
Reasons why Computers are females

Five reasons to believe computers are females :

1.No one but the creator understands their internal logic.

2.The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3.The message 'Bad command or file name' is about as informative as 'If you don't know why I am mad at you, then I am certainly not going to tell you.'

4.As soon as you make a commitment to one,you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.

5.Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for later retrieval

by (few years ago!)

What it Really Means...
WWW = World Wide Wait
ISDN = It Still Does Nothing
SCSI = System Can't See It
DOS = Defective Operating System
IBM = I Blame Microsoft
PENTIUM = Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding Of Mathematics
BASIC = Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
APPLE = Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

by (few years ago!)
Website under construction

Looking up websites on infertility, I found an address that sounded interesting. I clicked on the link and was taken to a site that said, “This page is under construction.”

I looked closer and saw in smaller print: “Check back in nine months and see what we’ve accomplished.”

I bookmarked the addresss and went back several months later. Posted was a full-page picture of a beautiful nine-pound baby girl.

by (few years ago!)
Programmer in sea

Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.

by (few years ago!)
Columbians Run Away

Why did a group of Columbians run away from the computer lab?

Because... The computer said, “You have performed an illegal operation and will be shutdown!”

by (few years ago!)
Is There a Floppy Inside?

Customer : “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document but the computer won’t boot properly.”

Tech Support : “What does it say?”

Customer : “Something about an error and non-system disk.”

Tech Support : “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”

Customer : “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”

by (few years ago!)
Girls are like internet virus!

Girls are like an internet virus:

They enter your life,

Scan your pockets,

Transfer your money,

Edit your mind,

Download their problems and

Delete your smile

So please download the software SayNoToGirls.EXE to save your life otherwise the hardisk of your heart may crash

by (few years ago!)
Heaven And Hell

In Heaven:

The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Italian,
The bankers are Swiss.

In Hell:

The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Italian.

In Computer Heaven:

The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.

In Computer Hell:

The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.

by (few years ago!)

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