School and College; 1241 Jokes

Anything

A beautiful female college student comes to a young professor’s office.

She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly, “I would do anything to pass this exam.”

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. “I mean…” she whispers, “… I would do…anything!!!”

He returns her gaze. “Anything???”

“Yes… Anything!!!”

His voice turns to a whisper. “Would you….. study???”.

by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Sweep The Floor

Your first job will be to sweep the floor.

But I'm a college student the young man replied.

In that case give me the broom - I'll show you how.

by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Philosophy Exam

A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination.

On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a question?" - Discuss.

After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer."

The student received an "A" on the exam.

by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Math Problems

Young Larry stopped by the corner grocery store and read the following list to the clerk:

10 pounds sugar at $1.25 a pound

4 pounds coffee at $1.50 a pound

2 pounds butter at $1.10 a pound
2 bars soap at $.83 each

"How much does that come to?" asked Larry.

"Twenty-two dollars and thirty-six cents."

"If I gave you three ten dollar bills, how much change would I get?" said the boy.

"Seven dollars and sixty-four cents," stated the clerk who appeared to be irritated by all the questions.

Larry said, as he disappeared through the door, "I don't want to buy the items...that's our arithmetic lesson for tomorrow, and I needed some help with it."

by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Great School Humor

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."

Groucho Marx

1890-1977

This reminds me of the student who began his Middle Ages story with:

"He was a dark and stormy knight...."

In a survey taken several years ago, all incoming freshman at MIT were asked if they expected to graduate in the top half of their class.

Ninety-seven percent responded that they did.

Q: What's the difference between a teacher and a train?

A: The teacher says "Get that gum out of your mouth", where as the train says "Chew, Chew ".

"The reason that every major university maintains a department of mathematics is that it is cheaper to do this than to institutionalize all those people."

by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Geography Class

Teacher: What is the axis of the earth?

Student: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves.

Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line?

Student: Yes, Sir.

Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes?

Student: Imaginary clothes, Sir.

by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Discussing Grades

A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed.

"What's the matter, son," asked his mother.

"Aw, gee," said the boy, "It's my marks. They're all wet."

"What do you mean `all wet?'"

"I mean," he replied, "below C-level."

by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
College Writing

A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.

"It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said.

"Actually," said his guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."

The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?"

"Yes, indeed," said his guide. "He wrote a check."

by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
College Prayers

O Lord, hear my anxious plea

Calculus is killing me

I know not of 'dx' or 'dy'

And probably won't until the day I die.

Please, Lord, help me in this hour

As I take my case to the highest power.

I care not for fame or loot

Just help me find one square root.

And Lord, please let me see

One passing mark in organic chemistry.

Oh such a thing I constantly dread

I'd just as soon join the Marines instead.

Lord, please give me a sign

That you've been listening all the time.

Please lead me out of this constant coma

And give me a shot at my diploma.

by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Math Problems

Young Larry stopped by the corner grocery store and read the following list to the clerk:

10 pounds sugar at $1.25 a pound
4 pounds coffee at $1.50 a pound
2 pounds butter at $1.10 a pound
2 bars soap at $.83 each

"How much does that come to?" asked Larry.
"Twenty-two dollars and thirty-six cents."
"If I gave you three ten dollar bills, how much change would I get?" said the boy.

"Seven dollars and sixty-four cents," stated the clerk who appeared to be irritated by all the questions.

Larry said, as he disappeared through the door, "I don't want to buy the items...that's our arithmetic lesson for tomorrow, and I needed some help with it."

by Pak101.com (few years ago!)
Classmates Came To Class On Time

Teacher :
Y R U Late..?

All Ur Classmates Came To Class On Time..??!!

Student :
"Jhund Me Kutte Ate Hain Sir...

Sher To Akela Ata Hai...

by Pak101.com (few years ago!)

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