School and College; 1241 Jokes

Not feeling well

Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not?
Son: I don't feel well
Father: Where don't you feel well?
Son: In school !

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Half a day

Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of
school this morning.
Class: Hooray!
Teacher: We will have the other half this
afternoon!

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
There's teachers

The children had all been photographed, and the
teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a
copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when
you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer,
she's a lawyer,' or 'that's Michael. He's a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out,
"And there's the teacher. She's dead."

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
First day at school

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed
his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents."

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Be sure you go....

Be sure that you go straight home.
I can't; I live just round the corner!

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Students memory loss

I didn't do my homework because I lost my
memory.
When did this start?
When did what start?

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Off teacher

Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day
without having to tell you off.
Pupil: You have my permission !

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Looking at clock

Teacher: Will you stop looking at the clock at the
wall and pay attention?
Pupil: Time will pass, but will you?

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
A polish student

A Polish student was in his college
campus bookstore.
Questioning the store clerk about a book for one of
his classes, the clerk responded, "This book will do
half the job for you."
"Good," the Polack replied, "I'll take two."

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
A nerd

A nerd was walking on campus one day when his
friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny
new bicycle.
The first nerd was stunned and asked, "Where did
you get such a nice bike?"
The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was
walking along minding my own business when a
beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She
threw the bike to the ground, took off all her
clothes and said, "Take what you want!'"
The second nerd nodded approvingly, "Good choice,
the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Answers

Fred: I've added these figures ten times. Teacher:
Good work! Fred: And here are my ten answers !

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Water tank

Teacher : Tommy, put some more water in the fish
tank ! Pupil : Why, Miss, I only put some in
yesterday and he hasn't drunk that yet

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Philosophy exam

A college student in a philosophy class was taking
his first examination.
On the paper there was a single line which simply
said: "Is this a question?" - Discuss.
After a short time he wrote: "If that is a
question, then this is an answer."
The student received an "A" on the exam.

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Geography class

Teacher: What is the axis of the earth?
Student: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line
which passes from one pole to the other, and on
which the earth revolves.
Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on
that line?
Student: Yes, Sir.
Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes?
Student: Imaginary clothes, Sir.

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Geography class

Teacher: What is the axis of the earth?
Student: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line
which passes from one pole to the other, and on
which the earth revolves.
Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on
that line?
Student: Yes, Sir.
Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes?
Student: Imaginary clothes, Sir.

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)

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