Animal; 711 Jokes

A man and his dog

A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."

Bartender: "Yeah! Sure...go ahead."

Man: "What covers a house?"

Dog: "Roof!"

Man: "How does sandpaper feel?"

Dog: "Rough!"

Man: "Who was the greatest ball player of all time?"

Dog: "Ruth!"

Man: "Pay up. I told you he could talk."

The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, "or is the greatest player Mantle?"

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
There was once a snail

There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".

The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"

The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."

Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.

The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
The frog says

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Sound of a cat

Purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.

Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty.

Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.

Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.

Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines.

Purrson: A male kitty.

Purrpetual motion: A kitty playing.

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
A burglar

A burglar has just made it into the house he's intending ransacking, and he's looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"

Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his business.

"I can see you, and so can Jesus!"

The burglar jumps again, and takes a longer look around the room. Over in the corner by the window, almost obscured by curtains, is a cage in which sits a parrot, who pipes up again, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"

"So what," says the burglar, "you're only a parrot!"

To which the parrot replies, "Maybe, but Jesus is a rottweiler!"

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Tofan anay pr machar 1 darkht sy lipat gya..

Tofan anay pr machar 1 darkht sy lipat gya..
Tofan khatam hone k bad machar apna pasena saf kr k bola..
.


.


.


Aj me na hota to ye drakht to gya tha

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Ek aadmi ne apni saas k pas sanp betha dekha to

Ek aadmi ne apni saas k pas sanp betha dekha to sanp se bola
Meri saas ko dus lo
Sanp_
Aby kiya dus lon?
Main to khud is se Zehar EASY LOAD krwane aaya hun !

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Mujhe Pagal samjha hai?

1 Admi bakriyan chara raha tha
.
Pathan: Yai bakriyan kahan le Ja rahe ho?
.
Admi (gussey se): Enhain School chorny Ja raha hon
.
Pathan: Mujhe Pagal samjha hai? Aaj tu etwaar hai

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
sardar: Cheel ko english main kiya kehte hain ?

sardar:
Cheel ko english main kiya kehte hain ?
2 sardar:
Eagle
...
Sardar:
Agar cheel beemar hojaye to ?
2 sardar:
illegal ....

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Sir: Kaunsa bird sabse se Tez udtha hai?

Sir: Kaunsa bird sabse se Tez udtha hai?
Boy: Haathi. Sir: Nalayak,tera baap kya karta hai?
Boy: woh ......... ka unit incharge hai
Sir: Shaabaash
haathi

Sahi jawab

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Dulhan Andhy Shoher Se

Dulhan Andhy Shoher Se
“Kaash Tumhari Ankhain Hoten To Tum Mere Husn Ko Dekh Sakty”
Shoher
“Agar Tum Khobsurat Hoten To Kya Ankhon Waly Tumhy Mere Leye Chorty?”

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
1 sardar k ghar me billi rhti thi

1 sardar k ghar me billi rhti thi sardar billi se tang akr usy kahi chor aya. gar aya to bili ussy pehly ponch chuki thi.sardar bili ko dobara kahen dor chor k aya bili pher us sy phly gar ponch gai.sardar ko boht gussa aya ab wo bili ko boht hi zyada door chorny gya. wahn sy usny wife ko phon kya.
sardar:bili gar pnch gai ya nhi?
wife:han pnch gai hy
sardar:Us kamini se bol k mujy aker ly jaye mein rasta bhol gya hon..

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
1 Admi bakriyan chara raha tha

1 Admi bakriyan chara raha tha
.
Pathan: Yai bakriyan kahan le Ja rahe ho?
.
Admi (gussey se): Enhain School chorny Ja raha hon
.
Pathan: Mujhe Pagal samjha hai? Aaj tu etwaar hai

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Mausam ye haseen kehta hai

Mausam ye haseen kehta hai pyar krle.
Dil diwana kehta hai ikrar karle.
chahat kehti hai izhar krle.
par mummy khti hai pehle
.
.
.

Graduation to pass karle

by sami ullah (few years ago!)
1 sardar k ghar me billi rhti thi

1 sardar k ghar me billi rhti thi sardar billi se tang akr usy kahi chor aya. gar aya to bili ussy pehly ponch chuki thi.sardar bili ko dobara kahen dor chor k aya bili pher us sy phly gar ponch gai.sardar ko boht gussa aya ab wo bili ko boht hi zyada door chorny gya. wahn sy usny wife ko phon kya.
sardar:bili gar pnch gai ya nhi?
wife:han pnch gai hy
sardar:Us kamini se bol k mujy aker ly jaye mein rasta bhol gya hon.

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)

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