Animal; 711 Jokes

Two cockroaches sitting in washroon

Two cockroaches sitting in washroon eating potty.

One said to other: Yaar mujhe potty aa rahe hai.

Other said: Yaar khane ke time pe to aise batain mat kiya karo.

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Two snakes were out taking

Two snakes were out taking a stroll when the son snake turns to the mother snake and asks: "Mommy! Are we poisonous?"

"Why, yes we are", says the second.

Again the baby snake asks, "Are you sure we're poisonous?"

"Yes, we are very poisonous."

The baby snake becomes very upset. Again, he asks, "Are we really really poisonous?"

"Yes we are really really poisonous. In fact we're the most poisonous snakes in the world. Why do you ask?"

"I just bit my lip!!!"

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
A kangaroo kept getting

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could jump high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence.
But he was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo.

The next day, a twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he got out.

When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?”

The kangaroo said, “About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!”

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
The Taco Bell Chihuahua

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone......cheese mine."

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Customer: Do you have and cockroaches?

Customer: Do you have and cockroaches?

Clerk: Yes we sell them to the fisherman.

Customer: I would like 20,000 of them.

Clerk: What would you want with 20,000 cockroaches?

Customer: I’m moving tomorrow and my lease says I must leave my apartment in the condition in which I found it.

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Two cows are standing

Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Some race horses

Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"

Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"

"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.

At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"

The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
There was a mosquito

There was a mosquito and a dog who loved each other a lot.

One day the mosquito got excited and gave a love bite to the dog.

The dog became emotional and returned the love bite to the mosquito.

The next day…

Mosquito died of rabies and dog died of malaria…!!!!!

What a touching story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
Pathan ne bank se car li

Pathan ne bank se car li
Lekin loan wapis nahi kar saka,

Bank waley car ley gaye,
Pathan: Pehley pata hota to
Shadi bhi bank se loan le kar karta.

by Abdul Hannan (few years ago!)
There were three birds

There were three birds - a mama bird, a papa bird and a baby bird.

One day they were trying to figure out which way to fly for the winter.

Mama bird says "My instincts tell me to fly south for the winter."

Papa bird says "Well, my instincts tell me to fly north for the winter."

Then baby bird says "Well, my ins stinks too, but they don't tell me where to go!"

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
A little girl and her dog

A little girl and her dog are walking through the forest when they suddenly fall into a pit. They scramble and scramble but can't make their way out. The little girl yells, the dog barks, but no one is around to hear their calls for help. Slowly, the night sky turns black and they find themselves engulfed in utter darkness.

Off in the distance, the wolves begin howling. Each howl is louder and closer than the last.

The little girl holds the dog close to her chest and says sadly to the dog, "This is the worst mess in which ever have found ourselves, my darling Sparky."

"Yeah," the dog says, "we're really screwed."

"Sparky," the girl says, astonished, "I didn't know you could talk."

"Well," the dog says, "I was kinda waiting for the right time to tell you."

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
A pig and a chicken were walking

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.

"Great idea!" the chicken cried.

"Let's offer them ham and eggs?"

"Not so fast," said the pig testily. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment." by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.

"Great idea!" the chicken cried.

"Let's offer them ham and eggs?"

"Not so fast," said the pig testily. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment."

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
A dog thinks

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
A leopard went to see

A leopard went to see an optometrist because he thought he needed an eye exam.

"Every time I look at my wife," he worriedly told the optometrist, "I see spots before my eyes."

"So what's to worry about?" replied the doctor. "You're a leopard, aren't you?"

"What's that got to do with anything?" replied the patient.

"My wife is a zebra.

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)
A Beauteful sandy beach

What a human sees: A Beauteful sandy beach

what a cat sees: The worlds largest litter box

WHAT A HUMAN SEES: A new couch

WHAT A CAT SEES: A new scraching post

What a human sees: a new Pet fish

What a cat sees: A Tasty snack

by Tanveer Hussain (few years ago!)

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